In This Fantastic Issue of September 2 2016

  • Temper Tantrum Thrown at Town Hall

    JRC - Earlier this week, what started out as a peaceful town hall to discuss the new Alcohol Policy quickly spiraled into chaos as President Ray Kingler was confronted with increasingly uncomfortable and difficult questions on his new substance policies, prompting Kingler to purportedly ‘lose it’. Designed as a venue to express his rationale for the controversial changes, Kingler seemed quite at ease at the beginning of the session, answering innocuous questions with the speed of a charging emu. Some alleged that you could even see him smirk when asked “Wait, if there’s no self gov, can I not just...
  • Strained Student-To-Booze Relationship

    Conference Rooms Everywhere - Only a week into the 2016-17 school year, and there are already complaints regarding the newly instituted Alcohol Policy changes—but not from the students. According to a survey designed by Mathematics and Statistics professor Samantha Herman), over 98% of Grinnell students are in favor of the changes, but only 2% of the alcohol are complying with the Agreements. “My friends and I had our paperwork turned it in by Wednesday night to host a party on Friday, but the alcohol never showed up, so everyone left” said Paula Vasilyev ’17. “We think that the administration bribed...
  • Student Affairs Plant Withers

    JRC - Grinnell may be in the midst of summer outside, but inside the Student Affairs office the plants are withering inexplicably. Said Student Affairs administrative Assistant Jill Farnes, “Student Affairs prides itself on accepting plants from a wide range of backgrounds, from succulents to miniature trees. These plants contribute to a diverse office ecosystem, and look great when they’re smiling on the front of recruitment magazines. Yet lately, more and more plants are withering, drooping, or displaying other unappealing traits, and it’s getting to be an inconvenience for the office.” Jane Choi, an employee with Residence Life, expressed dismay...
  • Number 10 Banned

    Joe Rosenfield ‘25 Center - In recent months, the college administration has given consideration to the efforts to enhance student well-being and personal success. After months of brainstorming and workshopping, the administration has ultimately decided to ban the number 10 on campus. The decision, administrator Georgina Rover explained, was made to protect the safety of all students. “We’d like to give more options to those on campus who chose not to acknowledge the number 10, participate in 10-related events, or perhaps just prefer other numbers. It’s important to be inclusive and respectful of all students regarding their choice whether or...
  • Bronze Age NSO Site Unearthed

    JOE ROSENFIELD ’25 CENTER – This past Saturday, the College Anthropology Department unearthed several skeletons dated to the Bronze Age. The specimens, still wear ing rudimentary rucksacks and assuming a standing position, may prove to be an illuminating finding about Grinnell’s little-known past. “The erect posture exhibited by the students, the ingots found in their hands, their apparent ages, and their location on 8th Avenue suggests they may have been waiting for the shuttle to Wal-Mart during New Student Orientation. Their emaciated frames indicate they likely starved to death doing so.” analyzed Professor Kathryn Carter. “That would explain the lanyards...
  • Bronze Age NSO Site Unearthed

    Grinnell, Saturday, August 27 - Returning Grinnell College students were surprised to find that their once-beloved bookstore has seemingly disappeared. The recent move of the Pioneer Bookshop has prompted a great number of mixed reactions among students. A multitude of students were apparently confused by the vague directions given by the bookstore staff, stating that the new bookstore is “only a block away from McNally’s.” Susanne Schuster ‘18 explained her frustration with the lack of clarity in the bookstore’s new location: “I followed the instructions and walked a block away from McNally’s to go to the new bookstore. I ended...
  • Fix Our Computers, Also Frustration

    It's time for the first editorial of my 4th year! Too bad there’s nothing to talk about. Just kidding, that was a joke (get it??? a joke!!). There’s a lot happening on campus, from alcohol agreements to walkthroughs to snazzy new campus SAFETY uniforms, aka black polos and khakis. It lends itself well to fellow editor Nina’s proposed replacement for Fetish Harris: Security Harris, in which we all don black polos and khakis, stand right outside Harris, and stare in through the windows for 3 hours For the most part, I don’t have much to add to the discourse on...

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    Issue 1, Volume 27

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