In This Fantastic Issue of February 5 2016

  • New Students Politically Minded

    MAC FIELD - Two of Grinnell’s newest students this semester have already made a splash. “My new roommate Ronald Dump is amazing,” Josh Kent ’19 said. “At first, I thought he was a professor, but he actually took a few years off to work with his apprentices. And he’s loaded.” Another new student, Phil Hinton ’17, has also been making waves. Hinton lives off campus with an intellectually tall, blonde woman whom most students believe to be his mother. Like Dump, Hinton appears much older than his apparent twenty years. Another thing these crazy kids have in common is their...
  • Student Still Immersed in Off-Campus Culture

    DINING HALL - Since returning from her semester abroad in London, Andrea Miller ’17 doesn’t eat french fries. She only eats chips. “My off-campus study experience really changed me,” she explained while queueing at the Honor G Grill. “I was fully immersed in British culture, and though my body may have left, my mind still endeavours to reflect the behaviours of this honourable kingdom.” She then mused, “Do you think I could get any fried fish to go with this?” Many of Miller’s peers find her transformation enthralling. “Instead of ‘math,’ she says ‘maths!’” gushed Jeremy Heinz ’19. “It’s so...
  • Grinnell Rearranged Dining Hall; Chaos Ensues

    DHALL-Over winter break, the administration moved the drink station from the back left corner of the Dining Hall to the front. At first greeted with surprise and a mixture of awe and indifference, the new positioning of furniture has proved hazardous to the student body, with students walking into and out of this space finding themselves blindsided by this obtrusive mass. In just over a week, several pairs of students have collided, resulting in countless dropped trays, three shirts ruined by chocolate milk, one pants-crotch discolored by lemonade, one hospitalization, and waves of sarcastic clapping from their peers. Tammy Schroeder...
  • Comedy Writers On Strike

    B&S Offices - Hello, it’s me. I was wondering if after all this time I should get out of my chair. Everyone is gone. I am all alone in the corner of this room. We have been on strike for six days now and things are looking down. There is nothing funny in the world. Nothing for me to write about. NOTHING. I am eating a dry bowl of broccoli. There is no ranch dressing. I haven’t left my seat since Monday. This chair is officially a bathroom now. I heard Valentine’s Day is coming up, maybe somebody can write...
  • Grinnell Caucuses for Self-Gov

    Hundreds of students, faculty, staff, and community members eagerly gathered to participate in the democratic caucuses, but ended the night by leaving both the Democratic Party and the United States of America. The night started slowly with a voter registration process which took five hours. After registration finished, several caucus attendees spoke in favor of their candidates. Madeline Terry ’19, was one of the speakers. Professor Jennifer Stiege, chemistry, said, “Her speech was incredibly eloquent. As she talked about all of the policies her candidate would enact, it was evident she really understood the problems our country faces and the...
  • CA's become PA's

    GRINNELL COLLEGE - The Grinnell College administration has changed the position of Student Advisor to Community Advisor, enacting changes in the Student Advisor handbook to reflect this. However, after much debate, the College has realized that these students are not assuming enough responsibility. “We think that our students could be doing more to support and serve the community,” stated one unnamed administrative official. “It will lead to a stronger Grinnell, and we also want to give our students as many leadership opportunities as possible. That’s why we’ve expanded the position to include the entirety of Poweshiek County.” Therefore, Student Affairs...
  • IT'S A ME

    Guess who’s back?! It’s me, your friendly neighborhood quizmaster and B&S editor. Shout out to the rest of the B&Crew for doing a great job last semester. They’re beautiful people. I was abroad in South Africa, bouncing between national parks with 16 other students, having a blast, conducting Science as an English major, etc. It was incredible, and admittedly I shed quite a few tears while parting with the friends I made. Luckily I pulled it together in time to be declared an undesirable for a year but fell apart again and cried into my airline chicken. Other ~cool~ things...

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    Issue 1, Volume 26

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