In This Fantastic Issue of May 8 2015

  • Grinnell Introduces Study Break Study Breaks

    JRC - Student organizations are trying out new strategies for hosting events for the college community. Fiona Ott, a member of the Student Alumni Council, said “It’s common knowledge among those involved in student organizations that the only study breaks you go to are the ones which you are hosting. A study break isn’t something you can plan, it’s something that happens at 2 a.m on Thursday night when you type in Netflix.com without thinking about it.” Ott continued, “Because of this, the Student Alumni Council and a lot of other organizations are trying a new strategy. Next Wednesday night...
  • Adieu to [2015]

    Well, [2015] it’s been a solid four years. I mean, we always do this as a send-off; writing senior blurbs for you all is what we here at the B&S undertake to make sure that each and every one of you bastards has something to look forward to between the end of Hell week and walking across that stage in like, a week. This one feels special, not only ‘cause I’m writing my own send off here, but because I know [2015] has a lot of people who’ve left us along the way. All names appear the way they appear...
  • Obama Destroys Anoymous Internet

    WASHINGTON, DCIn a recent press release, President Barack Obama announced that his last act as President of the United States will be to destroy “the internet and all of its anonymous users.” Despite entering his time as a “lame duck,” Obama adamantly asserts that he fully intends to eliminate anonymity. “Internet anonymity is a scourge on this great country,” Obama articulated. “I not only want the citizens of this country to imagine me looking over their shoulders while they browse the net, but I want to actually BE there, in person or not.” Indeed, the Obama administration has begun making...
  • Mentors Go On Strike As Finals Approach

    NOLLEN HOUSE - Yesterday evening, mentors around Grinnell campus walked out of their mentor sessions and abstained from their mentoring duties, in what is believed to be the biggest mentorstrike action in the history of Grinnell. Hundreds of students were left dumbfounded as their mentors, acting like one, stormed out of classrooms, commons, and mentor sessions to rally in front of house Nollen house, as a sign of protest at what mentors see as subpar treatment of workers. “We’re here because we want decent wages and decent treatment” Chloe Jones ’16, head of Mentors United said, addressing the crowd of...
  • Grinnellians Swept Up In Paul 2016 Campaign

    COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE - In the midst of commencement season as well as admitted students weekends, the town of Grinnell hosted an event for major Republican candidate in the 2016 presidential race, Rand Paul. The Paul campaign, running under the slogan “Unleash the American Dream” had a stopover at the Grinnell Town Center to deliver a stump speech and rally support. Many Grinnell students were in attendance, and took the opportunity to have their photo taken with the senator from Kentucky. What they didn’t expect, however, was to be roped in to the Paul campaign strategy. “I went cause I thought...
  • Dierdra Graduates

    The time had come at last. Dierdreigh was solemnly looking at her tear-stained vampiary, aka vampire diary, that she had kept all four years of Vampire Hunting Academy For Young Vampires. She realized how much she was going to miss roaming the halls of the academy, killing vampires. “Ha!” she said to herself, holding the diary as she walked down the hall towards the chamber of the final ceremony. “Ha! I remember killing Lionel Von Robbenstude, he tried to take me away from my dearest partridge, my one true love. How I miss him, my lover.” Dedrei was wracked with...
  • Don't Fucking Cry

    Today, looking at the other “last” editorials by my predecessors, I admired how they’re able to tactfully look towards the future while paying homage to time here, how they balanced sentimentality with humor and really hit it on the head. No way I can do that. It’ll sound trite. If I tell a story that’s my perfect summary of Grinnell, it wouldn’t translate. You weren’t there! It’d be just another boring anecdote. I’m not able to capture the sound of my friends laughing, or the tangible happiness in a room, or any of the other things that make up my...

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    Issue 7, Volume 24

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