The Grinnell Fight Club has recently acquired the spotlight. However, this is NOT Grinnell’s first Fight Club.
“First rule of fight club, don’t talk about fight club!” Jennings Cass ‘17 growled as they punched Lucy Harmon ‘19 in the jaw. “I thought that was obvious!”
Indeed, Grinnell has had a fight club since 2013 when a group of intrepid students created a club to fight one another.
“Apparently walking down the halls and randomly challenging students to fight is ‘weird’ and ‘violent.’” Harmon explained. “So a group of students secretly decided to start a Grinnell Fight Club. Only we didn’t call it Fight Club because that’s kind of asking for trouble.” Other students agreed. By keeping the fight club secret, the club has given up luxury and comfort for its anonymous nature. Rather than meeting in the Bear Athletic Center, they gather in the subterranean tun nel system under Mac Field. Students pay for Gatorade and snacks out of pocket. Rather than using punching bags, the students hit pork shoulders and other raw slabs of meat, tenderizing them before they are prepared in the dining hall. Many of them wrestle each other.
“Our first year, we we tried getting SGA funding. We told them it was for our knitting club. Unfortunately the treasurer was an avid knitter and tried coming to our meetings,” Jennings stated. “But we got them to drop kick their ex-boyfriend, so it was a winning experience for everyone!” Since then, the club has gone under the name “Grinnell’s Young Neoliberals Who Love Discourse” to discourage Grinnellians from prying into their affairs.The club’s secrecy is often treated with disdain, as only the initiated know about it. As a result, students must use clever excuses to explain recent bruises or broken limbs.
“Someone asked me about the bruise on my leg the other day,” Harmon explained, showing off a black-and-blue mark that covered most of her thigh. “I said it was a hickey.”
However, since the new Fight Club has been formed, the original Grinnell Fight Club is fighting back.“We’ve filed to become an on-campus group called the Grinnell Original Fight Club,” an original member of the Grinnell Original Fight club explained.
By postering in front of the Dining Hall, the Grinnell Original Fight Club has garnered some interest. “It just sounds really cool,” Camryn Chance ‘20 said as she looked at a flier. “What’s more self-gov than punching each other?”
Other students have expressed confusion over Grinnell’s “Original” Fight Club.
“They’re saying the new Fight Club outted the old Fight Club, but I didn’t know about this first Fight Club until they started postering,” said Mandy Pataky ’20. “They kind of shot themselves in the foot.”
Many students have expressed confusion over the club’s existence, and the relationship between the two clubs. “I thought we had had a Grinnell Fight Club for a while,” Lindsey Davis ‘19 said. “But but I think I’m actually thinking of a third fight club.” Indeed, reports are pouring in that there may in fact be many independent fight clubs across campus that are doing a better job of staying underground.
Despite this, the newest iteration of the Grinnell Fight Club is willing to relinquish their monopoly over avid fighters.
“We’re challenging them to a rumble-West Side Story style!” Phil Ehrlich ‘19 yelled as the Grinnell Fight Club practiced in the Bear. “At first we were going to tap dance, but we figured since we all know how to fight, we’d rather just beat the shit out of each other!