ARH’S CORPSE - Construction is in full swing at the ARH-Carnegie construction site. By 2020, the college hopes to open the new Human-Student School for the Cosmos (HSSC).

“Yeah—what’s going on here, exactly?” said [human] student Amy Ablestein ’20. “I heard the project cost twenty million dollars, but it’s been a whole semester, and so far all the construction workers have done is dig up the grass and play with giant Legos. I think something else might be going on inside.”

Marabel Turquoise [human], the architect commissioned to design the HSSC, is overseeing the project. While he is not on-site, he was willing to participate in a phone interview. “To build, in ze small town of Gwinnell, a classic Dupri-Jean-Claudie style infrastruc-shure, with a touch of Gargle Modernism, is certainly expensive,” he mused through a cloud of cigarette smoke so thick it practically came through the wire. “But to fuse astrological and archeological ambitions—I mean, to consolidate the social sciences and the humanities—into one building certainly merits such a ludicrous price-tag. But it’ll all pay off soon; soon, the arrival of the—” before being cut off by a fit of coughs, after which the line went dead.

Blueprints for the construction site are online. The building’s four pavilions (ARH, Carnegie, North, and Xuetro-9) will be made of steel and glass, and will feature a rooftop garden, a lush courtyard, a network of glittering, pulsating crystal tubes embedded in the walls that will maximize natural sunlight, leading to a smoky glass cylinder in a spacious catacomb several hundred feet below the building, and finally ramps and elevators for improved accessibility.

“At Grinnell, a diverse student body is more important than anything,” said Pres-Ray-K3 [REDACTED]. “The HSSC should appeal to students of the humanities and social sciences from all over the galaxy—the country, the country, I mean.”

UPDATE: As of February 3rd, 3:34 am, a blue beam of light from space razed several machines and workers, temporarily setting-back construction. When asked for a comment, surviving construction workers said “please keep the roads clear.”