The Princeton Review recently released its college rankings, and once again, Grinnell is on top. The college ranks 6th in LGBTQ-friendly, 7th in best athletic facilities, 8th in most liberal students, and 1067th on administration transparency.
However, one area has given officials pause. The college is ranked 6th in “Students who Study Hard,”, being beaten by West Point, Amherst and Harvey Mudd, among other schools. This will not do, say school officials.
“Once we saw that we were only sixth, we were shocked! If Grinnell students have time for extra activities, then we’ve failed as an institution!” Lern explained. “So we’ve decided to remind professors how important homework and studying is for our students!”
Professors are reportedly being encouraged to up their workload. Rather than spending 9 hours outside of class for work, students are now expected to spend 17 hours outside of class working on homework, projects, and other assignments.
Not all professors are excited about this change.
“The introduction-level courses already require about twelve hours outside of class,” Professor Codaindo explained in his office. “But for my upperlevel classes, I’ve had to get creative. I’m assigning them problem sets I did in graduate school!”
Other professors are using more unorthodox methods, such as requiring out-of-class activities.
“I’ve decided to have my students watch one documentary outside of class, and write a short reflection on it,” Professor Kyra Yoon, core professor of Gender, Women’s and Sexuality Studies explained. “We started with documentaries such as ‘We Just Need to Pee,’ but now we’re on a video about the history of soy in the United States, so I’m not sure what we’ll be doing in the winter.”
Students in lab classes are faring badly as well.
“Although lab time is not traditionally counted in the Carnegie hour, we’ve decided to double it,” Professor Seth, Biology, lectured as he held a test tube. “On the plus side, we’ve been able to implement far more research projects. On the other hand, students have been falling asleep during class, which is a slight issue.”
Student studying has also been implemented outside of the classroom. Athletic teams must take the books on the field. Clubs must implement premeeting quizzes. Even students who have jobs are expected to prepare outside of the classroom.
“I was making pasta at the pasta bar and my supervisor was quizzing me on Linear Algebra. I haven’t taken math since high school, so it’s been interesting to say the least” said Genevive Aldous ‘17.
“I mean, it’s been a change,” Kacie Stro ‘19 shrugged as she gulped down a large coffee. “I had to drop tennis, and I’m only getting three hours of sleep a night, but at least I have more time to make Grinnell great!”