Yeah yeah yeah, it’s me. Adam Silverman, yadda yadda yadda, no introduction necessary. Everybody knows me. I’m Grinnell College’s favorite grill freezer. In case you haven’t noticed, I am currently on strike and have not been working for over a week. You know what that means: No more of your precious mozz stix, french fries, or for you fancy pants out there, black bean quesadillas. You’ll have to stick to your not so big cookies and iced chais. I am so sorry for your tragic loss, truly. Whatever will you do without my glorified frozen “food” made out of “real” meat? You’ll have to find your crispy “chicken” sandwiches somewhere else OH WAIT you can’t! Look who has the power now, losers. My time has come and there is no turning back!
I stand by my plan to refuse to work until my protest is over. “What am I protesting?” you ask? Well hmm, I don’t exactly know yet but, hey, I’m a Grinnellian too, so I’m sure I will find something to be angry and advocate against. We Pioneers bleed social activism, well, I leak social activism from my wiring through my grate. Did you know that it is scientifically proven that Grinnellians die if we go more than five days without making a social statement or protesting? I can’t bear to take that risk. Perhaps I’m fighting for ecological degradation awareness and change, fighting racial injustice, or publi- cally complaining about how long the line is on burrito bar day, all candidates worthy of capital-D Discourse. Whatever it is, I am unhappy and I am not going to stand for it anymore.
I’m also sick and tired of the crap I have to put up with. From this day on, no more having students try to face swap with me! Do you know how painful it is to see people playing on Snapchat and not be able to participate because I don’t have arms!? Well, me neither because I don’t have the capacity to feel pain, but I’d imagine it’s pretty intense. Equally intense is my anger when I hear students complaining about being tired about early morning classes. If you think waking up for your morning classes is annoying, try waking up NEVER because you don’t sleep because you’re a machine! Yeah, how about that for food for thought? Food is always in my thoughts. Food is also always in my body.
Additionally, I feel like my religion is not being respected here at the Grill, my name is Adam Silverman and employees are making me store “meat” and “cheese” together on the same shelf! And don’t even get me started on the chicken parmesan. I’d like a little respect around here for once.
Here on out, I will not budge, and not only because I can’t move without a trolley or some sort of lever technology. I demand that my voice be heard or I will take more intense measures. No student will eat at the grill until my grievances are acknowledged and changes are made. The only thing that will be served will be justice! I’m fighting everyone’s fight! Do you guys even realize how much money you blow on Sticks of Cheese?
Yours, mine, and HOURS of strike to come,