Deierdre spun in the warm, ocean mist scented breeze and adjusted her blood red sunhat, adorned with black roses she picked from her garden, and her Victorian gothic sundress fluttered as she looked with disdain at the college beachgoers. “Ugh,” Degired groaned. “I hate the beach.” Dreighdre hated the beach. But most of all, she hated the preps. She wanted to throw up. She didn’t even know why she was in Miami with all of these preps, but she knew she had to be here. The breeze picked up and as a wave crashed in the ocean, memories crashed upon Deighdre’s withered soul as she remembered why she was here: she was here to find a vampire. Find a vampire, and kill them. She looked into the horizon and saw a girl swimming out into the water with a boy. If Deighdre hadn’t removed her heart approximately 8000 years ago and replaced it with a dying star (because she too is a vampire), she might, just maybe, feel a pang of longing to be just a normal girl once again, with her beloved Percival. But that was all in the past now. Deigrhdre spun on her heel as the breeze whipped around her long, dark, black, crimson tipped locks of hair that smelled faintly of mocha, and also blood…

And as she spun around, she spun, shocked. There he stood, as well as a vampirific he-banshee without legs could stand. Black robes billowed around him, and despite the heatstroke levels of heat dity, not a bead of sweat coated his chiseled face: in fact, there was a coolness about him, a fresh minty aura that was the only thing that could cool Deidra.

“Don’t worry” said her former lover’s exprofessor’s tutor’s apprentice’s rival. “I will show you where Percival Druckermort the Fourth’s corpse lies.”

“But I don’t even know your name” she whispered. But the vampirific he-demon banshee just turned around and floated away.Tourists melted around him. It was all Deidra could do to catch up. Past the pool with the tanned weak blobs of human flesh. Past the glowing sun, the he-banshee did not slow, except on a rare occasion to drink the blood of a nearby bilge rat. So horrific, yet so enthralling. Not for the first time, Deidra wondered if she’d made a mistake with Percival. But she was here to kill him, again, not to worry about the past.

Suddenly the he banshee stopped, in front of the luxurious Marbella. It was here that the banshee looked grimly at the sky.

“The name” he said. “Something I haven’t heard in a long time” He turned to look at her. “But some called me Ray Kay” And he opened the door.

Direedee woke up suddenly. HER BACK WAS ON FIRE!! Actually, it was just third degree sunburn. “Oh no!” she screamed. “I am a vampire! I need to get out of the sun promptly!” Suddenly, her delicate porcelain complexion actually burst into flame. “Oh no!” she screamed again, and started to run. But then, a hand grabbed her ankle. She would recognize those wormy veins and crusty yet manicured nails anywhere—it was Percival. Dodo followed his hairy, chiseled arm with her black-lined eyes and realized that he was buried under the sand. “So that’s how you survived!” she yelled at him. Deedleedle voraciously began to dig while spinning around, her luscious body heaving, until she had made a hole right next to him and she was completely covered up. “I’ve always wanted to sand kiss,” she said slyly, leaning toward him. His lips met hers and they began to move in unison, like four synchronized slugs, with tiny pieces of sand grating sensually between them. “I love you.”