CAMPUS - We’ve all been on campus for a long time and you know what that means! It means that we all look really gross right now! At least I know I do! Hahahaha, I really need a haircut! My hair gets in my eyes and when I roll over in bed I can hear it crackling with static and it hurts to breathe sometimes and it’s really hard to comb! I know a lot of us have this problem so fear not, we’ve tested every hair cut option available to us right here in Grinnell!!

First up is a local barbershop! I walked right in there and sat right down on one of those big fancy chairs and told them to give me the daily special! The haircut didn’t even take 20 minutes and you’ll never believe what I saw when I looked into the mirror! They gave me the double twenty two switcheroo, a style popularized by the owners themselves! It was great but it looked like they didn’t even cut my hair at all!!

There’s a salon right next door and I went straight there! I walked in but all the chairs were full?! I spoke to the receptionist and she said that they were completely booked for the day! And the next day! And the next day!! What the heck!? This place is so popular how is anyone supposed to get their hair cut? And they do scalp massages?? I don’t need anyone getting that close to my noggin! What if they break it?!

Next! I grabbed some scissors and ran to the JRC! HAHAHA just kidding don’t run with scissors! You might accidentally stab someone and spend the next few days apologizing to them and bringing them to- go boxes in the hospital because hospital food is really bad and then you’ll have to a new pair of scissors because your old ones are covered in someone else’s blood! Anyway, I grabbed my new pair of scissors and ran to the JRC and asked people walking by if they’d cut my hair! A few people did! They did a really good job, they detached locks of my hair and everything! One of them recommended going to their roommate for a haircut because she cuts the hair of everyone he knows! Wow, what an entrepreneur!

I found her! Or at least I found her room!! I walked in because the door was unlocked (LOCK YOUR DOORS!)! She had a ton of different scissors soIknewIwasinthe right place! She even had special craft scissors that you use to cut patterns out of construction paper! Like waves! They don’t work well on hair though!! I looked for some clippers but her roommate came in and screamed! She didn’t like my haircut! I guess this isn’t the best place to get a haircut!

Where else can you even get a haircut here?! Why do I even need to get a haircut?! I called my dad for some fatherly advice on how to get a professional haircut! Here’s what he said!: “I’m sorry, the number you have reached is not in service, or temporarily disconnected.! The number you have reached is not in service at this time.!” I can always count on my dad to give me just the advice I need! Service, of course! If you’re looking for a good haircut, you HAVE to try Grinnell College’s very own CLS (which stands for Center for Careers, Life, and Service! Although it should really be called TCFCLAS in that case to be honest! CHANGE IT!)

I stopped by for some quick advice but they didn’t have any haircuts! They did have cool wigs and cut-up suits I wore to take a LinkedIn photo! Thanks, CLS!

Lastly I tried out… my cat, PEPSI!! I crushed up some catnip and rubbed it in my hair and told Pepsi to do her best!! And she did!!! She tore out a lot of my hair and then spit it back out later in case! How considerate! Thank PEPSI!