DINING HALL - Since returning from her semester abroad in London, Andrea Miller ’17 doesn’t eat french fries. She only eats chips.
“My off-campus study experience really changed me,” she explained while queueing at the Honor G Grill. “I was fully immersed in British culture, and though my body may have left, my mind still endeavours to reflect the behaviours of this honourable kingdom.” She then mused, “Do you think I could get any fried fish to go with this?”
Many of Miller’s peers find her transformation enthralling. “Instead of ‘math,’ she says ‘maths!’” gushed Jeremy Heinz ’19. “It’s so exotic!”
Maria Cohen ’ 18 agreed. “She’s the life of the party! I’ve never seen anyone do Earl Grey chasers before!”
Her instructors also appreciate the change. “It used to be such a hassle to get Andrea to show up to class on time,” explained Sami Shah of the sociology department. “But now, because she insists on operating according to Greenwich Mean Time, she arrives six hours early, and still apologizes!”
Some of her close friends, however, are concerned that Miller’s newfound cultural competency may have some negative consequences. “Yesterday I caught her hammering her teeth in the bathroom mirror to make them more crooked,” confided Heather Simpson ’16. “When I suggested that maybe that wasn’t the best idea, she told me that my opinions didn’t matter whatsoever because all I do is ‘spout chav rubbish.’ She also is very keen on blabbing endlessly on how the American version of The Office is ‘a bloody knock-off and a downright disgrace.’”
Kevin Chen ’17, who was also in London last semester, is bewildered by Miller’s behavior. He stated, “She wasn’t like this at all when we were abroad. In fact, I don’t think I ever even heard her say the phrase, ‘jolly old chap,’ until we were back over the Atlantic.”
Miller, however, is unfazed by any negative reactions to her newfound persona. “These daft Americans simply don’t understand. They expect me to abide by their social codes of freedom and equality. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my semester abroad, it’s that I am entitled to anything I want.”