GRINNELL COLLEGE - The Grinnell College administration has changed the position of Student Advisor to Community Advisor, enacting changes in the Student Advisor handbook to reflect this. However, after much debate, the College has realized that these students are not assuming enough responsibility.

“We think that our students could be doing more to support and serve the community,” stated one unnamed administrative official. “It will lead to a stronger Grinnell, and we also want to give our students as many leadership opportunities as possible. That’s why we’ve expanded the position to include the entirety of Poweshiek County.”

Therefore, Student Affairs has decided to officially change the position. Midway through winter break, Residence Life staff sent out an email reading, “The Community Advisor position is different now. In 2017, the Community Advisors will become Poweshiek Advisors. This will entail many changes in the student handbook. For instance, the Poweshiek Advisors will be paid $500 a semester for this increase in work.”

“I just…well….I just don’t really know what to say,” said one dumbfounded student advisor. “I’m a little confused about how study breaks are going to work, apparently we are supposed to hold them in the Elk Lodge now…”

Some student advisors expressed outrage at the changes.

“We’re still expected to be on call, and do a ‘walk through’ periodically. The problem is, we have to walk through all of Poweshiek County!” huffed a frustrated Steven James ‘17, SA of Rose. “And instead of putting a condoms and candy bowl outside my door, I have to put two on every floor of the high school.”

According to several SA’s, despite the three revisions made over break, the handbook appear to be remarkably similar to the old handbook.

Said Rachel Turner ’16, Yonker SA, “Students will still be required to do what appears to be ‘walk throughs’ but are actually referred to as ‘stroll alongs’. Also, they changed ‘enforcing the rules’ to ‘obliging the rules.’ Even worse, all the RLC’s have stopped talking about “mandatory reporting” and instead have started saying “de rigueur describing.”

Despite some discontent in response to these changes, the administration is considering further changes, to be implemented in coming semesters.

“You know, I feel like we aren’t quite doing our part,” stated one Residence Life official. “We can look forward to even more changes in the future. The next step is Iowa Advisors, IA’s. Eventually, our more experienced student staff can join together to form a national Council of Student Advisors. With $500 per person and valuable job training to offer, we can think even bigger. North America Advisors, Global Advisors, Galaxy Advisors, who knows.”