November 10th - Grinnell recently announced a new policy change that will make it easier to regulate and protect miners on campus, as described in the Campus Memo. According to the memo, the goal of the program is to “protect the safety of the miners.”

Surprisingly, this policy change centers around only seven Grinnellians.

“We were having some issues.” Doc, head of the miners, explained. “Some of the professors wouldn’t let us bring our pickaxes to class. And when we started singing about washing our hands, students just stared at us.”

Patricia Singer, a CLS staff member, explained. “Since the recent influx of miners has shaken Grinnell, we must fix this program. As a result, special focus has been put on minerstudent interactions. We need to learn how to work with the miners so that everyone knows exactly what’s expected of them in the classroom, in the dining hall, and, most importantly, in the mines.”

This new policy caught many students off guard.

“To be fair, I didn’t even know that we had miners on campus. I just thought that they were middle school prodigies from town who really liked singing and didn’t like the sun,” Olivia Schwa ’19 said as she passed a group of miners on their way to work. “I mean, I’ve seen a few in the dining hall, making a huge mess digging around in the salad bar for decent vegetables.”

Initiatives to involve the miners on campus include creating a new “Peace Studies and Mining” concentration, a buddy system between miners and students, and allowing the miners to attend Harris and other weekend events. Some professors even allow the observation of miner culture in their classes.

“Apparently at 3:00 every day, miners leave whatever they’re doingclass, mining, or sleeping-to sing ‘Heigh Ho’” Professor Kalders, History said, shaking his head. “It’s become so popular that non-miner students are doing it too.”

Some students also gave positive reviews.

“I love hanging out with my miner, Sleepy,” S’now Whytt ’16, stated as she and Sleepy shared lunch. “We have the same hobbies and we both majored in Philosophy and we both love singing to the birds. It’s a match made in heaven! ”

When asked about the policies implemented, the miners on campus had nothing but positive reviews.

“I love taking classes,” Happy, one of the miners explained. “Environmental Science is fascinating. Besides, my lunch partner likes smoking pipes just as much as I do.”

Not only are the miners accepted by the students, but other miners visiting Grinnell are allowed the same privileges as students.

“We want the students to feel comfortable with the miners, and know what to do when the miners need any help.” Singer stated. “This includes prospective miners as well. Recently we had a delegation of prospective students from Gimli, Iowa, who had a great time.”

Not all reactions to the miners have been positive.

“I asked them for $8 for lunch, and they gave me two diamonds,” Sarah Hernandez, a Cheery Checker, explained “What’s up with that?”