In years past, the town of Grinnell has kicked off the holiday season with several holiday-themed events, such as caroling and Jingle Bell Holiday. This year, however, the town has decided to take a different approach to the holidays. Rather than kicking off the season, the town has instead decided to kick the season.

“We have decided to change things up a little,” stated a Grinnell City resident, as their friend set a Christmas tree on fire.

Several of the events underwent a name change in preparation for this historic celebration. For example, “Jingle Bell Holiday” has been changed to “Jingle Burn Holiday.” During this celebration, City residents and College students alike are invited to torch holiday memorabilia.

Amazing Chase: Holiday Edition, while keeping the original name, has become a completely different activity. Rather than the traditional scavenger hunt around town, the organizers have hired people to dress up as bloody Santa Clauses and dreidels, and then to chase participants around the town with candy canes sharpened into knives.

Grinnell students could not be reached for comment on this topic after seeing the decorations, because most would immediately faint or throw up. The few who managed to remain upright were so overcome with “shock” and “horror” that they could not make any intelligible comments. Despite these negative reactions from the student body, the town is continuing to celebrate the holiday season in the most gruesome of ways, and Grinnell College is considering participating in these new festivities.

“In the Grill, we are planning to slow several carols to half speed, and then play them all on top of each other at once,” stated Mikhail Romanov ‘18. “That way, we can celebrate the holidays while still retaining an element of horror.” The College, meanwhile, hung up pictures of reindeer that had been hit by cars all over the JRC.

Overall, a general feeling of excitement and joy are palpable as the holiday season is definitely approaching Grinnell College, despite the fact that it might look like Halloween all over again.