DINING HALL - Recently, a new controversy has arisen in the much talked about Grinnell Dining Hall. Students are complaining that the foods served are “racist.”

“I tried to grab a cupcake, but it immediately donned a sombrero and starting screaming racial epithets,” stated aggrieved Nicole Jameson ‘18. Dining Hall workers have tried in vain to subdue the extremely racist foods.

“I mean this is just exhausting. The food is out of control,” sighed student worker Darren Tso ‘17, after trying to muffle an orange that was attempting to proclaim that one of its best friends is black.

Students are becoming incredibly offended by the food’s racial slurs. Some students have even been boycotting the Din ing Hall until the issues has been resolved.

“I was talking to my friend and a French fry referred to me as ‘articulate.’ I can’t eat in the Dining Hall until they get rid of this damn racist food!” fumed a very offended Michael Lars ‘19.

Of course, when the food itself was interviewed, it naturally denied all allegations of racism. Multiple slices of roast beef claimed that they were “colorblind” and that racism ended in the 1960’s. Ironically, the beef’s next sentence began with “I’m not racist but…”

The issue runs deeper than conflict between the food and students; racial tensions are high between many foods in the Dining Hall themselves. Following a recent protest by the chocolate gooey butter cake regarding its recent lack of representation on the menu, leaders of the vanilla gooey butter cake community led a rally, proclaiming, “All Gooey Butter Cakes Matter.”

Many students and school administrators are contemplating solutions to the problem. A group of students suggested that the entire structure of the Dining Hall should go under complete restructuring. Another group suggested the food be forced to undergo classes on racial disparity, in an attempt to educate the food on systematic ra cial oppression, though they are concerned that the food will invoke the rhetoric of the food pyramid as a racial hierarchy to support their assaults on students.

However, these conversations are facing an immense roadblock: the holidays. Already, Halloween proved to be a major problem for the food. Several hamburgers insisted on dressing up as “sexy Indians,” offending a fairly large group of students. The lemon curd cheesecake also insisted upon dressing up as a “sexy Chinese takeout dinner,” both offending and confusing a multitude of students and food items.

The holiday debacle is not over yet. Recently, after one student proclaimed their excitement for the approaching Hanukkah, the cottage cheese screamed, “WAR ON CHRISTMAS” and refused to be served until students started using the phrase “Merry Christmas” instead of “Happy Holidays.”

According to Dining services staff member Hayley Smithson, “We had no idea the issue would be so extreme. We just wanted to add some spice and fun to the Dining Hall but not go overboard and do something extreme like actually preparing authentic food from different cuisines. This new batch of ‘edgy American food’, as the marketers called it, seemed like just the fix.

The problem is ongoing, yet Dining Hall supervisors are hoping for a change soon.