JRC 101 - This Wednesday, the architectural firm LMP (Last Minute Planning) released their final designs for the new ARH and Carnegie buildings. Grinnell College hired the firm to design new buildings to replace the existing ones, just in time for the next crop of eager young pupils, beginning with the class of 2024.

The architects in charge of the project visited campus to present their plans for the first time to an audience of students and staff in the JRC.

“It’s gonna be cooler than any other building ever!” said Project Director Jennifer Hamster, kicking off the presentation. “It’s gonna have all these SWEET SECRET ROOMS and PASSAGEWAYS ‘n’ stuff!”

The presenters went on to explain the goals of their project including to create a structure that fits in visually with other buildings on campus and to make a space perfectly tailored for the modern student.

“Just past the arcade is the MULTIMEDIA ROOM and it’ll have these sweet giant TVs all over the walls with all the CHANNELS, and there’ll be lots of blankets so you can make BLANKET FORTS!” said Hamster, loudly slurping out the last drops of a box of Hi-C.

“And through the pneumatic tubes is how you get to the roof where the WATER GUN TURRETS and SNOW CANNONS are,” added Rob McClue, one of the project architects. “You know, for fights and battles and things. Plus then you can run and jump around and do HARDCORE PARKOUR!”

The presentation also provided an opportunity for student feedback. “We wanna make sure you guys like it and wanna know if anybody has any other ideas of stuff to add, because SHARING IS CARING,” said Hamster. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go take my NAP.” She then proceeded to curl up on a slightly stained Lightning McQueen blanket behind the podium.

Aaron Goose ’17 spoke up, asking, “Will there be any places to just, like, study?”

“Studying is for NERDS! You must be a NERD!” McClue responded. “How about we put the TRAMPOLINES in the same room as the INFINITE BALL PIT so you could, like, jump in? Yeah that’d be awesome!” He added the modification to the blueprint with a sparkly crayon.

The plans also feature a roller skating ring in the basement which “is totally big enough” to transform into a go-kart track. Also, a twisty slide from the roof to the ground, a trapeze center (a short course will be offered), and a fully padded “FIGHTING ROOM” in order to “settle BETS and CONFLICTS and FIGHTS, uh, etc.”

According to the presenting LMP architects, similar buildings in popular books and TV shows inspired them, including Hogwarts and Jimmy Neutron’s lab and Chuck E. Cheese. Grinnell traditions were also a muse, especially the swing set and Nerf at Noyce.

“We knew you guys would like it since your NERF CLUB is so wicked awesome,” said Hamster, rubbing her eyes and then sucking her thumb. “Do you guys wanna play RIGHT NOW?”

The presentation abruptly ended when McClue’s mom came in with milk and cookies.