8th STREET, GRINNELL - This week, Grinnell received a number of mid-semester transfers with a surprising background. The Heaven or Heck Church of Christ, located in Sheolsgate, Indiana, visited Grinnell this week, and many of the members decided to stay on campus.

“Now I’ve finally seen the light,” Simon Petersberg ’19 exclaimed as he donned a pair of non-prescription glasses, “I’m meant to explore the liberal arts after all!”

Petersberg and eleven of his followers had visited Grinnell to preach the advantages of gender inequality in the workplace, and also talk about God some. Although they initially hoped to save the souls of Grinnellians, the students may have been the true converters.

“It was super cool,” Mariana Magdela ’19 explained as she took a photo with her fellow new converts in front of the JRC. “We were talking about how Jesus preached love and acceptance, but also that you have to be very critical of anyone who sins by not being like you, for their own good. Then we realized that Grinnell preaches tolerance and critical thinking too!”

Handing twins James and John Fisher ’19 plaid shirts and jeans to symbolize their new place in the community, Cassandra Herme ’18 said, “Once we opened up a dialogue, and showed them some respect, we realized that we’re not that different. At the end of the day, the only difference between judging people based on stereotypes and outdated scientific beliefs and judging people for being offensive and using ridiculous arguments is a combined high school and college education and significant real world experiences. But with the combination of the open curriculum and study abroad, I’m confident all this can be accomplished with a Grinnell education.”

Grinnellians were so convincing in their morals that the church scrapped the live crucifixion they were planning on staging and decided to visit the Hillary rally instead.

“I think everyone should know what a cool community Grinnell is,” Petersberg explained. “Not only do they practice what they preach, but they’re also so much fun.” Rolling a joint, Petersberg continued, “I’ve learned so much about gender, women, and sexuality in the past few days-after I’ve taken some classes at Grinnell, I may even major in it!”