This week, we are proud to run a special guest article by the Pun Hall! For more information, contact [prosesports]

For those of you not up on current events, there is something fishy about this college. A tuna complaints are rippling through campus about the lack of a student-run aquarium, as it is a reelly big problem on which the administration porpoisely refuses to comment. Students are understandably crabby, and a large number of fish-lovers are coming out of their shells and drowning in a sea of sorrow. Now, the wave of affirmation has crested, and many campus organizations are shoring up their support. The SRC is backing the aqueerium, DAG has pledged their swordfish, the music department is scaling up their commitment, G-tones supports the presence of choral in the aquarium, and Debait Team is hooked on this topic and offering their services squid pro quo (in exchange, we here at Pun Club will be generating suggestions for discussion tropics). It’s only a matter of time until a student initiative gets Kraken!

The Biology department supports the aquarium for use in academic reperch, with one professor stating that “If the school were to build an aquarium, everyone would sea the benefins.” In fact, some biologists are thinking about a bass-action law-sushi over the lack of sup-port from the starboard of trustees. Meanwhile, others in the department think that it’s overkrill, and thank their lucky starfish that they have tenure. One suggested that “such a titanic endeavor is doomed to failure, and the issues we’ve seen so far are only the tip of the iceberg.”

So far, all attempts to get the school to change their tuna have floundered, and some students are reticent as well. The swim team – an original supporter of the aquarium – is now baileen on the project, after the realization that the aquarium would replace the pool. A student from Spanish house expressed her disdain for the idea, saying, “What can a fish do? Nada.” And students from other groups are green to the gills with envy over the support this project has generated. On the other hand, an exchange student from Finland told us, “Personally, I’m a little salty about the lack of fish in this country. It’s understandable that the school doesn’t want to break the bank, but if they shelled out the sand-dollars, things would go swimmingly. I feel it in my shoal that it would be really ice, you know? Let minnow when Americans stop sinking to new depths.”

The only way that an operation of this scale won’t flounder is if we use our brines. First, we need to harpoon the administration’s hearts and minds without being Moby Dicks about it. Wetter or not we get liquid cash, if we win over the administration, the project won’t tank. To reel in the board and make sure that enough votes are cast, we need to make waves as students. Flounder of the aquarium club, second year Nemo Fin, encourages fish lubbers to “cast out a banner of support, because every student who isn’t clowning around on this fissue will help sail us towards our dreams.” With that in mind, Carpe Diem, Grinnell! We’re all in the same boat. So don’t diswiminate against this idea: even if an aquarium may seem a bit koi, it could be a real fishture in the future of the college. Life at Grinnell isn’t always a beach, but the presence of an aquarium could help tide us through difficult times.