HARRIS CENTER - Due to the popularity and huge success of the Harris Disney Bangerz party, corporations are now vying for the attention of Grinnell College. Representatives from major corporations in the areas of entertainment, news, and even food are converging on campus to prove that they are the fairest one of all.
“We believe that our shows like SpongeBob and the Fairly Oddparents have a certain type of nightlife flair over Disney,” said the Nickelodeon representative. “For example, Trixie Tang has a more realistic sex appeal than, say, a woman with fins or an ice-queen that can freeze your sensitive regions.”
The representatives also assures that if the College does hold a Harris party in their honor, Nickelodeon will cater to the preferences of the students. One of these is‘90s Nickelodeon.
“’90s kids should pay homage to what made their childhood,” said the representative. “It seems like they want to take it into their adult life, and eventually to their kids. We can help [Grinnellians] with that. If the story of how little John and Susy’s parents met involves Daddy dressed as CatDog and Mommy dressed as Ginger, then so be it.”
Other interested entertainment companies include Cartoon Network, boasting the successes of The Power Puff Girls, Scooby-Doo and Teen Titans; as well as ABC Family and Sony, although the latter could only afford to send in a pair of vintage headphones to plead their case. Students also felt the need to advocate their personal ideal themes, some of which included celebrities. Based on the repetition of the “We want Neil Patrick Harris!” chant, he is the frontrunner celebrity candidate.
NPR also wishes to capitalize on their popularity among students. This year, to have better outreach among young adults, they have released a new slogan called “NPR and Chill.”
“Our mission states that we want to serve the public in the best way we can,” said the NPR representative. “We want the American college student to engage in safe romantic activities while continuing being knowledgeable about the current events in the nation and abroad. Our organization may have less to work with, but All Things Considered, we have the best music available.”
Monsanto, not a stranger to campus or Iowa, sees this as an opportunity to strengthen their presence, and to improve their image to the public. Known for their rapidly expanding business ventures in GMOs, the company has faced harsh scrutiny from politicians, voters and organic foodies for breaching nature and influence on Capitol Hill. Monsanto hopes that their presence in a fun environment will downplay their “evidently” seedy practices.
“The products that come from us are as safe—and fun— as can be,” said their representative. “We know that we look imperialistic and sadistic in continuing to grow our business. Hopefully that mindset changes when we integrate ourselves into club-like scenes, on and off campus.
“Our catering would surely beat out the rest of our competition. We know that corn can get tiring, but we will bring in a variety of corn that will make your night exciting. Everyone has a type of corn that grows on them and tickles their fancy. Monsanto Harris will be so successful that you will view it as your corn hub.”
All the businesses face tough competition from across the board. Yet whichever business is chosen, they will make an interesting mark on Harris. Meanwhile, the College is feeling like the belle of the ball.