BOORLING LIBRARY - Ever since the dawn of Burling Library, there have always been rumors of Burling Floor being haunted by a mischievous ghost affectionately known as “Prankstergiest”. Though always written off as a “nonsense” and “something to scare first years”, new evidence has surfaced to suggest that the existence of a ghost on the third floor of Burling Library may well be true.
“Oh yeah there’s definitely a ghost,” said third year Kelly Loafer. “I kept running out of pencil lead, and I had to walk all the way to the bookstore to get more.”
According to new testimonies by students and teachers alike, Prankstergiest, seems to be ever present in the library. Fourth year Peter Prostrate expressed some frustration when the ghost hole-punched all his papers on the wrong side.
“The ghost must’ve known that I’d get two points taken off my grade for every incorrectly hole-punched paper.” When asked why he couldn’t simply reprint the documents, Peter stated that Prankstergiest must’ve moved onto some “technological tomfoolery.”
Another student corroborated Prankstergeist’s existence when she declared that the ghost must have some experience in heating and cooling systems, because over the course of her study session, the ghost lowered the air conditioning to such a degree that the temperature made it impossible for her to study.
Some reports indicate that Prankstergiest has also abused teacher’s email accounts, thus creating ample confusion and missed classes for many students. Fourth year Sarah Slow said that, if not for the ghost’s email shenanigans, she definitely would not have been late for her 8:00 AM class. In an even more troublesome twist to the story, Prankstergiest appeared to have erased this email, making it difficult for Sarah to prove her story. Fortunately, this series of events was corroborated by another fourth year, which helped Sarah to excuse her absence
In response to the se rumors, the college has called upon several exterminating options, including medium Carrigan Burke who is most notable for casting out the Bowen family poltergeist (which later inspired the 2015 movie bust Poltergeist.) Burke proceeded to scoff at the school’s request for an exorcism, citing the ghost’s “lack of existence” and claiming that “A ghost that pranks students? Why, that is clearly made up nonsense. I deal with real science, like evil spirits and hobgoblins, not this poorly-constructed fairy tale.” Librarian Brian Thickskull disagreed with Burke’s assessment insisting that “the ghost is very real and hostile. Just recently he stole my tuna sandwich from the fridge.” His co-worker Leslie Snipes confirmed his account, being the last person to see both the ghost and the sandwich.
The college, with no other viable options, was forced to allow the newly formed Bill Murray Fan Club an opportunity to get rid of the specter. Unfortunately, as they soon found out, ghosts no longer fear the phrase “Who ya gonna call?” After this failure of supernatural proportions, the college is widely thought to be strategizing upon other methods of ghost removal and has yet to reply to a request for comments.
While the ghost does not seem to be dangerous, all interviewed students expressed a sense of victimization, and felt as though the ghost had some sort of malicious intent. No one can accurately predict the ghost’s next appearance nor its targets, but most students seem to agree on one important fact: Prankstergeist feeds off dropping GPAs.